Hi there, pals! Here I am, Mary, your old friend, relaxing with a cup of chamomile tea and the old Bible by my side. Now, before you click away, believing that some new-age, granola-crunching millennial has told you everything there is to know about “toxic friendships,” bear with me. Ultimately, if you depart at this moment, you will forfeit my method for handling Gail, my neighbor, who adamantly maintains that mayonnaise is a wonderful breakfast spread.
Now, let’s explore the dark, murky world of poisonous friendships. Everyone has experienced them. Error – everyone has experienced them at some point, including yours truly. It’s similar to when Sam, your best fishing buddy, constantly taking your tackle and never putting it back, but you can’t help but hang out with him because he has such a cute boat.
Inequitable reciprocation
When a bond seems as one-sided as my Aunt Mildred’s political beliefs, you know it’s toxic. Imagine having a Christmas meal where you bring handmade scarves that you have knitted yourself, and your friend gives you an IOU. No, no, friends ought to be prepared to share the bread and give equitably, just like Jesus was at the Last Supper.
Negativity and criticism
Have you ever encountered acquaintances who, on a sunny day, might discover a cloud? Your hair is too curly—wait, it’s too straight now. God forbid you put on a pound, because all of a sudden you look like you belong on the cover of National Enquirer. A genuine companion will provide encouraging words and constructive criticism, rather than hurtful jabs evoking memories of Satan’s temptations in the desert.
Control and manipulation
If you’ve seen the film “Gaslight,” you will understand exactly what I mean. Certain friends have the ability to hypnotize you and lead you in the path they desire, usually for their personal benefit. One moment they’ll have you believing their nice words, and the next you’ll be signed up for PTA meetings that you didn’t even want to attend. Bad companions should be easy to spot, just because God’s teaching is always clear-cut and free of ulterior motives.
Absence of assistance
Do you recall your attempt to form a retiree garage band? And your “friends” let out more loud laughs than a hyena with an issue with tickles? Yes, I do recall it clearly. Friends should be your ardent supporters, there for you no matter what, much like our courageous soldiers serve abroad. No matter how absurd they may be, your dreams should be praised rather than laughed at.
Lying and keeping secrets
This one is as evident as a Sunday-morning sermon. You learn that they have been withholding information from you or yapping behind your back. Secrets are only acceptable when they’re being used to conceal a surprise party (or, in my husband’s case, his hidden stockpile of Oreos). Sincerity and deceit have no place in true friendships, just as sin has no place in the sight of the Lord.
Acknowledging and releasing oneself
Now, the first step to escaping is realizing these warning signs. Yes, it’s more difficult than any Thanksgiving turkey we’ve ever met. However, you must, both for your own benefit and the blessings you have not yet received. You too can proclaim your independence, just as our founding fathers did when they broke away from, uh, less than outstanding company to build this lovely country!
Lean on the Big Man upstairs first. Ask God for wisdom and direction. When I prayed once, the Good Lord answered my prayer and showed me why my friend Edna never answered her phone. She was too busy raising 14 cats for me to handle, to be honest. Be in the company of sincere believers—people who uplift you like the ardent attendees of “Make America Great Again” rallies. Don’t waste your time or spirit; these are valuable resources.
Lastly, find the bravery to tell the truth. Express your feelings to your pal. Even though I’d like to avoid the drama, there are situations when a good, old-fashioned confrontation supported by a prayer circle is necessary. As they say, it’s better to be slapped by the truth than caressed by a falsehood.
And that’s it for now, people. Let’s return to living the wealthy, religious life we were designed to lead by identifying the parasites and taking the necessary actions to set ourselves free. Never forget that once you pluck weeds, the grass is always greener.
Remember to bookmark this website, forward it to your prayer group, and together we will strengthen our relationship and faith! I need to be alert and well-rested for my daybreak sermon, so let me return to my chamomile.
Till we meet again, God bless!
