Usually, when you fall in love, you think the relationship would last forever. In actuality, things don’t always go as planned, and people frequently get estranged from one another.
One guy thought it would be easier to break up with his wife if he simply sent her a letter outlining his reasons for doing so. He didn’t anticipate that his choice would backfire, though, as his smart wife’s response had a lesson for him. This is amusing and smart in equal measure!
- Hello, Wife
- Your former spouse
- Hello, ex-husband
- Your ex-wife, signed, is rich as hell and free!
I’m writing you this letter to let you know that I’ll be permanently leaving. In our seven years of marriage, I’ve been a nice husband to you, but I have nothing to show for it.
For me, these past two weeks have been challenging. I couldn’t take it any longer when your manager told me you quit your job today.
You didn’t even notice when I cooked your favorite dinner, got a new haircut, or even wore brand-new silk boxers when you got home last week.
After watching all of your soap operas, you ate in under two minutes and went right to bed. You no longer express your love for me, and you have no desire for sex or any other act that would mark us as husband and wife.
It’s over, and I’m going, whether you’re lying to me or you’ve changed your mind about loving me.
Your former spouse
PS: Please don’t look for me. I’m relocating to West Virginia with YOUR SISTER! Enjoy your life!
Nothing has brightened my day more, I assure you, than receiving your note. Although a nice man is a far cry from what you have been, it is unquestionably true that you and I have been married for the last seven years.
The reason I watch my TV shows so much, despite the fact that it doesn’t seem to help, is to block out your continual moaning and groaning.
Last week, I definitely noticed your haircut, but my first thought was, “You look just like a girl!” I decided not to comment since my mother taught me that it’s best to keep your mouth shut if you have nothing nice to say.
And because I quit eating pork seven long years ago, you must have thought I was MY SISTER when you prepared my favorite dinner.
The $49.99 price tag on those brand-new silk boxers made me look away from you, and I hoped it was a coincidence since my sister had just gotten a $50 loan from me earlier in the day.
I still loved you after all of this, and I thought we could work things out. So I quit my work and got us two tickets to Jamaica after winning the lottery for $10 million. But you weren’t there when I arrived home.
I suppose everything happens for a purpose. I wish you the happy life you’ve always desired. According to my attorney, the letter you wrote guarantees you won’t receive any payment from me. So be cautious.
Your ex-wife, signed, is rich as hell and free!
PS: I’m not sure whether I ever mentioned it to you, but my sister Carla was actually born Carl. I really hope that’s not an issue!
If you found this story amusing, please tell your relatives and friends.